If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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