My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
