My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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