Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
