FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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