so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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