yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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