What did we do last night that was yellow?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
