Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
