I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
