i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Please don't give away my fajitas
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