I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
