She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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