that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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