It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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