This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
