This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
