i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
