yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
