Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
