Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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