but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
