How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
