shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
