I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
