You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I want to fling myself into the sun
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
