For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
