We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
