sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
