addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
