I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
