I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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