ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
