were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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