walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
