i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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