24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
