Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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