like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
