I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
