it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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