My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
two words...techno handjob
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
