he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
