Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
