I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
