I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
