the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
