i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
