Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
