I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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