I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
