I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
